Thank you to Tiokasin Ghosthorse for giving me words for a very specific experience. I find that I am creating pain as I am stuck between the tools of the Dominator culture I was born into and the Relational Way Of Being that I strive towards.
I really DID mean it as a “tough love” note (my blog “A DAY Without (Jewish) Women-Really?”).
I am finding it easier to apologize, than to ask permission.
And, I remain confused and challenged by the triggers/disconnects and responses I receive as I attempt to grow my Baby Elder self into a thoughtful social commentator that writes evocatively…
And, I will continue to use Robin D’Angelo’s white fragility scale to check in on how much of this is “me” and how much if it (might be? in some Universe somewhere???) “other”.
Calling out privileged identities is hard work.
Calling out terrorized privileged identities was surprisingly challenging, and has left me with a Total Truth reality check that burns in my throat, corrosively…
Behind the big response that I have received (see comments listed at the end of my last blog for a total of over THREE THOUSAND WORDS) from two Newly White sistars, there is no way in Hell I will move forward and attempt to engage the two “older white” communities of women I hoped to query:
#1. Protestants (who claimed to be my allies through their historical Association as abolitionists)…
#2. Catholics of Irish and Italian descent (the Irish being so unfathomable to Sigmund Freud by urban legend that “Freud was quoted as saying, ‘This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever’ when referring to the Irish. However, as the Freud Museum in London points out, there is no actual evidence that Freud ever said this statement though it is mentioned in the film “The Departed.”)
And, I will let my sistar’s stew…
in a review…
of what white fragility can do–
When it shows-up
“Outta the BLUE”
(points that seem relevant to this conversation to me I have highlighted and Bolded):
In this case, the identity–rather than “white” I name “newly white TERRORIZED individual”:
Challenges to this identity become highly stressful and even intolerable. The following are examples of the kinds of challenges that trigger racial stress for white people:
Seven of her ten points seem relevant.
2. People of color talking directly about their own racial perspectives (challenge to “NEWLY WHITE TERRORIZED” people taboos on talking openly about NEWLY WHITE TERRORIZED identity);
3. People of color choosing not to protect the racial feelings of NEWLY WHITE TERRORIZED people in regards to race (challenge to white racial expectations and need/entitlement to racial comfort);
5. A fellow white not providing agreement with one’s racial perspective (challenge to white solidarity) BALANCED, BY TWO SISTERS OF THIS IDENTITY BEING ABLE TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER AT LENGTH)
6. Receiving feedback that one’s behavior had a racist impact (challenge to white racial innocence)–I DIDN’T FIND YOUR WORLDVIEW AMUSING
7. Suggesting that group membership is significant (challenge to individualism) EMPHASIZES THE TERRORIZED ASPECT.
8. An acknowledgment that access is unequal between racial groups (challenge to meritocracy) IN THIS CASE, ACCESS TO COLORED MEN AND THE CONSEQUENCES–I DON’T HAVE SIMILAR “PERKS” my sex across racial lines carried the brass ring of “light-skinned/can PASS for White children”. It has generated more contempt than empathy and admiration (what I see, when white women and colored men connect).
9. Being presented with a person of color in a position of leadership (challenge to white authority); I HAD THE CHUTZPAH TO TALK ABOUT A GROUP OF WHICH I AM NOT A MEMBER
Not often encountering these challenges, we (“newly white TERRORIZED individuals) withdraw, defend, cry, argue, minimize, ignore…
(From “white fragility” by Robin DiAngelo)
I thank Spirit for providing me with such good cushions when moments like this show up in my life. I had just responded to this question on a friend’s social media site:
“Ever trigger someone so hard that they totally, permanently block you? Without trying? If you have, then you’re a Trigger Ninja. This superpower is not to be ignored. It certainly isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s worthy of honing, this skill…
it means you’re rocking your truth. It means you’re empowered. Keep on rocking it, Trigger Ninja. Notice the M.O.’s of the ones who fall away. Check that trait off of your self-improvement list, because when it leaves your life, it’s a clue that you’ve mastered it.
Another step up from Trigger Ninja, is the level of Love Transformer. But that one’s for another lesson…
<3 ~ Goddess Oceana”
<3 ~ Goddess Oceana”
I am still honing my trigger ninja skills. I am still experiencing embarrassment and shame when my friends tell me that I have hurt them.So, mission ABORTED.
Here’s hoping Wednesday’s “Day Without Women” is powerful and deep.
However you chose to engage. Or. Do. Not.