One time, years ago, my Beltane Festivities were interrupted by an episode of intractable vomiting. No sooner had I taken my place in the circle with a ribbon for the Maypole in my hand, then I was overcome by a horrible feeling of nausea. I handed off the ribbon to a friend, left the circle, made it to the entryway to the event and started upchucking.
A friend took me home, where I vomited and retched for the next eight hours.
I named that as “over sensitivity to other people’s energy”. I recall feeling a huge amount of pent up frustrations/yearnings/bridled passions in that circle as so many pagan women and men were preparing to raise flirtatious energy with one another, and use it to honor the Mother Earth, Spring, and the general fertitily of the land.
Or, maybe it was just me, and a queasy stomach?
That’s life these days. “Holographic”; meaning the micro personal and the macro artchetypal just keep dancing and wrestling and playing off of one another!
I use that as a starting point, because yesterday’s “A Day Without Women” was such a strange and confusing experience for me.
On January 21, we were all SERIOUSLY inspired, by MILCK
“Milck, a native of Palos Verdes, California, wrote “Quiet” a couple of years ago after a culmination of frustrations hit their breaking point. She was exhausted, tired of being judged for being a woman with opinions; suffering through anorexia, abuse and depression; needing to conform to the perfectionism expected of Asian-American women; and experiencing racial profiling. She needed to write “Quiet,” to exorcise personal demons and grow stronger. That hope bubbling in her lyrics, though? It also happens to be universal.” from http://www.etonline.com/features/208658_meet_milck_quiet_songwriter_anthem_of_womens_march/
Yes. The women are rising…and spewing…and “Getting Well” (a term used in ayahuasca ceremonies for vomiting)
I woke up excited. I had all my red clothes ready; couldn’t find my RED pussy hat (my sort-of sister in law knitted a red and a pink one and gifted them to me), but was psyched to hit my local business for a cup of tea and to people watch other red clad co-conspirators.
Well, there was ONE other woman; she was wearing a sort of magenta sweatshirt.
I checked in with my fellow workers. No one else in my corporate agency was taking this as a personal day…I ran into a fellow employee at the local business (my Co-op), who shared that she had just dreamed the night before that she was getting fired at work.
And, she wasn’t wearing red.
I sat for about 40 minutes, getting more and more self conscious. I was WEARING RED– head to toe. I used the cafe area as a platform to inform others about the day, while I separated a dozen pink tulips that I had purchased to share with 12 women who HAD to work . But there were guys there– the same “barber shop” style commentators on New York Times driven social issues who share news over coffee every morning.
Today, I was particularly aware that it was THEIR news that dominated the conversation near the register. A discussion/ excitement for International Women’s Day OR for the U.S. intention to have “A Day Without Women” never caught on.
Things that make you go, “Hmmmmm.”
And, I was eager to share stories of my experiences from four years ago, when “One Billion Rising” first took off as an international meme to address violence against women, and our reproductive rights:
But I left. Without sharing either the video or the dance.
But the next event that I planned to attend was called “I Will NOT Be Quiet”.
What was I DOING???
And yet I felt too self conscious to even share the video of the dance!
So I sat in my car for about fifteen minutes… gathered myself together… and went BACK INSIDE to do the dance for a cashier that I really like who would be open to receiving it.
Then magic began to happen… As I walked back towards the Co-op, a staff member was going in at the same time, AND SHE WAS WEARING RED! And as I got to the door, a friend who works with me was leaving the Co-op, dressed in red like me– head to toe!
I had inspiration. I did the dance. I did it alone.
And, the day got better and better from there.
While the symbolism of the organizer of the “I Won’t Be QUIET” rally on the commons in Greenfield, Mass having laryngitis was not lost on me, a good time was had by all…
And a friend posted this photo of me. She captioned it “beautiful women”
I responded, “Yes… I …will…stay…BIG. If you feel like “I’m taking up all the oxygen in the room” (a comment made to me by a long time Greenfield resident about a year ago) you need to learn to BREATHE DEEPER.”
Because there’s enough power within for ALL