Holy Terror. Finding it. Tasting It.

So this past Monday, I  got triggered into an extreme state of Holy Terror. I was trying to park my car and had to pass through a drop off zone in front of my workplace. A mini-van sat idling in a location let’s begin with the benefit of the doubt–unintentionally– blocking passage on either side of the van. It was a snowy week, and all lanes were more narrow than usual. But there was no way around that SUV.

white tatto-ed chick power rules!

white tattoed chick power rules!

I approached and I tapped my horn, and waved.

The driver waved back.

I rolled my down and said, “Could you move your car to one side?”

The driver replied, “Could you say PLEASE?”

I won’t go down the hill with the avalanche of bizarreness that followed that initial exchange. Let’s some it up with my feelings. My first response was that I wanted to ram her car with mine:

TAWANDA style.

Then, a reality check on both the fantasy presented above, and the reality for Black women WHO ACT LIKE ME when frightened or challenged really hit me. Hard enough to break my heart (open) and leave me adrift and ungrounded for the next few days. Here is the best I can do to share the power of my grief with you, in real time. Watch this 10 minute video to the end. I dare you.

I DOUBLE DARE you.

Now you begin to share some of the stories that I live with, inside my head, as an African-American/ Slave descent/smart enough to SCARE folks/ sexually courageous female. I am digesting stories at a pace that I can absorb. Sometimes I spew and puke and choke on the stories. Sometimes the righteousness of the hurt gets so big it gets STUCK as anger in my kidneys and leaves me pissing blood and passing stones. But I won’t stop my process. And if you don’t want to get vomited on, then take a step back.

But don’t ask me to stop. And NO, I won’t say “please”.

P.S. The family of Sandra Bland was awarded a “wrongful death” settlement of 1.9 million dollars.

P.P.S. No one had the money to post her BAIL in jail of $500. How humiliating. Life, money, power, and CARS, just don’t look the same in Black and in white AmeriKKKa.

https://www.thenation.com/article/the-real-reason-sandra-bland-got-locked-up/

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4 Responses to Holy Terror. Finding it. Tasting It.

  1. Vee says:

    I know how you feel Opeyemi, get all the support you can. I didn’t know they got awarded money- which of course says “yeah we did something wrong.” But also her family was getting the money together I think it was more than $500, and had it but it was already too late, as I understand.

  2. Yes I watched this, for the second time and though I am white I understand this all too well, having undergone it as a mental patient too many times not to get it in my gut absolutely!!!

  3. Bob Bestwick says:

    I have seen my share of cops that were just bullies and gangsters with badges. I served in a Ranger unit. we were usually 1/3 to 1/2 minority. A lot of Native Americans. More than once guys in my unit as well as myself had run ins with A holes. We always won as we were win oriented and stuck together. Some cops were handcuffed to bar rails some locked in the trunks, Has some chase us on to an Army base the MP’s had 120 men with M-16’s waiting for them. One crappy job I had after being badly injured and forced to retire was as a security guard at Logan Airport. One day while walking back to our posts from lunch a State trooper started screaming at one of our guys because he didn’t show his badge fast enough and threatened to throw him down the stairs! I got close and yelled want to try to throw me down the stairs. The guy said no and ran away! That scared the hell out of me. The guy was a nut he should never have been in that uniform. I went to file charges and a fried that was a trooper said don’t bother they had been trying to get rid of him for years but he memorized all of the psych tests! Caution is always best when dealing with these guys especially if you are a minority. You never know who you are dealing with. He knew that I was a Ranger, One of us must have beat him up before. It sucks but without mental health hospitals and involuntary commitment Insane is the new normal. Just look at Trump and his cabinet!

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