“Here we stand at the edge, the chasm yawning,
Dare we look past our fear to light beyond?
Heart to heart we can feel it dawning,
Hand to hand we connect, and travel on.
As we leap, the abyss, so deep below us
Terrifies. And on Faith we must rely.
No fool’s fall will await, if life has shown us
Love’s True Path, and we know
That we will FLY.”
The above is a poem that I wrote for a man I had been with for nine months, about three days before getting a “Dear Jane” letter from him. That was close to 20 years ago. I keep bringing out this poem and using it to move me through particularly narrow and difficult challenges in my life. It served to bless a community of women, called The Crystal Amethyst Sisters. It was published, at the Millennial. I have read it with my husband in mind. I share it, as I head out into a Big Life Adventure.
Today I gather my thoughts and my feelings and prepare to leave the lovely sanctuary of a week in a respite. Am I ready to fly?
I used the quiet time of this past week to review various aspects of a complex and challenging life, on my way to a new one. I found ways to “quantify” some of the trauma dramas in my life; particularly the ones that seem to be stuck on repeat. I have had major epiphanies. Racism has damaged me much more than I had imagined. My privilege in AmeriKKKa– when compared to that of my white friends and colleagues– maps out on a scale of one to five as a ONE. All of my Black Sistars (no, there are NOT that many) map out as either one or two/five privilege points. Most of my white sistars map out from three to four/five.
Three have five/ five points of privilege: all of those three have held positions of authority over me at various times in my life. All three are younger than me; two by several decades.That fact gave me a big reality check on schizophrenogenic realities of the uphill battle to Stay Sane While Black (and FEMALE) in AmeriKKKa.
But at least I believe that I see with clarity what I am up against. I see the toxicity of the stories of female to female betrayal that keep every woman focused away from looking at what patriarchy and capitalism actually DO to us; a society of Apologetic Predators.
I will be taking a one month break from blogging here at Ceremony Heals. I will be culling my lists, contacting folks who “like” me at Temple of the Healthy Spirit and here. I intend to shape a cleaner, LEANER presence over social media.
If you “like” me, please join my patreon support group: www.patreon.com/doctorO with $20 pledges for May, June and July to float me over to B.C. without too much anxiety over my exorbitant auto loan payments (there’s a long Santander driven story there…) OR…
Send a one time donation, here: www.ceremonyheals.com/services at my paypal “donate” button.
I am migrating North to join a community of women who recognize the power of Fierce Dignity as a mover and shaker in their lives. And I will continue to pray for my sistars here in The Lower Forty Eight.
Look for May postings, from my new location!